Did You Miss Me While You Were Looking for Yourself Out There?
by lil hummingbird
Summary: One year ago, Edward made the biggest mistake of his life. He let the love of his life walk away. Now she's back and he has changed.Iis it too late or will he be able to get back what he lost? A one shot based on the Train song, Drops of Jupiter.


**_** Hello darlings! This is a quick o/s for my girl Day_Zeee. She put out a request on the Twitter asking a fan fic writer to please fic Trains, Drops of Jupiter. An idea planted in my head so I answered, she did say please, lol. So HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DAY_ZEE! Thank you for being you and for making my day every time you read my musings. _**

**_Shout out to JRDurham for doing her usual prereading! FLOVE YOU! WARNING, bff Kimmie did not fix this to make me look better. I wanted to get this out ASAP and she is super busy._**

**_FYI, clearly we know Train owns the song and Stephanie Meyers owns Twilight- I do not. I did however take a few liberties with the song._**

**_Enjoy!_**

**_Did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?_**

"_What do you mean you already accepted the job!" I yelled._

"_Exactly how it sounds Edward! Why are you being so difficult?" She yelled back. Usually I love seeing her fiery angry kitten side, but not this time. This time I am furious. _

"_Why am I being Difficult? Seriously Bella! You accept a job half way around the world without even consulting me and you want to know why I'm being difficult?" I can't believe she even has to ask._

"_You know this is my dream job. Getting to go to Rome and be an art consultant. Not only that but all the history and art I will be surround with. Maybe I will be able to finish my collection and finally show it." _

"_I know but…" _

"_NO! You left me to go to college for two years! Two years Edward!"_

"_In Seattle, not half way around the god damn world! I came home one weekend a month and every break. More if I had a light study load. Not the same." _

"_I came back to Forks for you so you can finish your residency! Fulfill your dream. I want to see the world Edward. I want culture for Christ sake! You can't find culture in Forks."_

"_We go to Seattle all the time; there is plenty of culture there."_

"_Are you fucking serious right now? You know goddamn well that I want to travel and see the world. I've had a map of the world on my bedroom wall since I was 11 marked with all the places and things I want to see."_

"_be realistic Bella, you don't even like to fly. How are you gonna handle that long plane ride?"_

"_No, Edward, you are afraid to fly. I don't fly for you." _

"_Bella."_

"_Edward, it's only a year. We can talk on the phone or Skype. I will come home for Christmas. Please, why can't you be supportive of my dreams for once."_

"_I am supportive. I support your art. I kept my mouth shut when you took the job with Aro in the first place because it was something you wanted. That is a big deal, you know how I feel about him. I don't complain when you have to go to Seattle three times a week for said job."_

"_I can't even… by supportive you mean not throwing too big of a tatrum and make me feel guilty for going to Seattle to do my job. Or saying snide sarcastic remarks about my boss every chance you get. Is that what you call supportive?"_

"_Yes."_

_She grabbed the dictionary off my desk and throws it at my head. _

"_What the fuck!"I yelled as it barely missed me._

"_You need to look up the definition of supportive. Supportive is not saying a peep to the one you love while they go off to college and swallowing the sadness of only being able to see them when they aren't busy with school. Supportive is moving back to a Podunk town for the man you love so he could follow his dream. Supportive is not making said loved one feel guilty for work 48 straight then coming home and sleeping for another 24 because it's their job!"_

"_I could have put my foot down and forbid you from taking the job but I didn't."_

"_FORBIDE ME! FORBIDE ME!" Her face was bright red and her body was shaking. She started throwing the books I had on my desk at me. She has better aim than I thought._

"_Ow! Fuck, Bella that hurts. You need to calm down." I started to take a step towards her, try and calm her down but one look at her told me that might be a bad idea. _

"_CALM DOWN! This is not 1920 Edward. You can't forbid me to do shit! I am my own person and I will make my own decisions. We aren't even married!"_

"_Marry me." _

"_What the… marry you. What goes on in your overly attractive block head of a brain? You think the solution to this problem is to ask me to marry you in the middle of the biggest fight we have ever had. That I will magically stop being angry with you, quit my job, and be happy that you finally proposed after all this time? I didn't think Esme dropped you on your head as a child but maybe I'm wrong." _

"_So you don't want to marry me?"_

"_Jesus Christ Edward! I've wanted to marry you since I was six but not if you're going to be a controlling, dream crushing asshole! That is not the man I thought I fell in love with. But I am beginning to think that you've always been like this and I was just too blinded by love and the fact that Edward Cullen, the boy I've loved since I was 6 loved me back."_

"_I do love you Bella, which is why I don't want you to go. Why I can't support this. You would be leaving me, us behind. Can't you see that? If you stay we can get married, buy a house. You can even have your own studio to paint."_

"_No, Edward I can't. You want to live in this town for the rest of your life. You want to life and breathe Forks. I want to travel, see the world. Discover who I really am and be ok with it. I was not made for Forks and its narrow minded views on life. I want to feel like I belong, not ridiculed and made fun of because I'm different."_

"_No one makes fun of you, don't be ridiculous."_

"_Yes, they do Edward, you just don't hear it. Just admit that you're afraid that if I will leave I will find someone else and leave you behind. Be honest."_

"_You leave me for someone else? Now who's being ridiculous? You said it yourself, you've loved me since you were 6, that kinda love doesn't go away. No one will ever love you as much as I do. Besides, I am Edward Cullen, any woman in this town is begging for a chance with me. You would be stupid to let me go." It was the truth, I was a catch. Not only did I love her with all of my soul, I'm smart, good looking, and caring. I'm a doctor for crying out loud. _

_She just stared at me with her mouth hanging open. Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This is a good sign. Hopefully she is coming around. She walked over to me and her lips touched mine softly for a brief moment before pulling away. When she pulled back a small tear was running down her cheek. _

"_Good bye Edward." She said before turning around and walking out my door._

"Edward, there you are. I have been looking everywhere for you. Come help me finishes putting up decorations." Alice said dragging me into the bar.

I don't even know why I agreed to come. Bella doesn't want to see me. She made that perfectly clear, since I haven't heard from her since she walked out my door a year ago. Alice calls it my 'brooding year of self-reflection'. When Bella left I was miserable. After locking myself away for three days drinking, then another three of my family and friends telling me what a fucking moron I was, I threw myself into work. I picked up extra shifts, slept in the on call room most nights because going home reminded me of her and what I lost. The last six months I have been trying to become a better man. I realize now that everything I said that night was wrong and everything she said that night was right.

She did support me in every way possible, never once complained. I did live and breathe Forks. I was afraid to fly. I was afraid of culture and trying new things. At home I was it, I was the man. I was Edward Cullen. Yeah Edward Cullen the complete tool who let the best thing happen to me slip away because I was too stubborn, pig headed, and set in my ways. She was everything to me and I fucked it up.

Three months ago, I got on my first plane. Alice had to fly to California to meet a new client. You see she is pregnant and Jasper, her husband, didn't want her to go alone and strangely enough, no one else was available. After some begging and tears, I caved and went with her. She is my baby sister after all and I would do anything for her. I'm not gonna lie, I was scared shitless. The trip back wasn't as bad. Since then I have traveled to Mexico, California again, and New York. I'm still not comfortable with flying but I found valium does wonders. I've also tried to experience more things. I go out dancing, to art shows, tried different foods I never would have before, Thai food is my new favorite thing. I've also seen a foreign subtitled film or two.

My newest hobby though is music. I've always played the piano. My mom made me take lessons as a child and I dabbled in composing a bit. I decided besides piano I would take up the guitar. It came fairly easy and I found that I love it more than playing the piano. I also like to sing. It relaxes me. It also gives me a place to vent me feelings. Playing and singing a song that embodies what I'm feeling at the moment is very freeing. I've even tried my hand at song writing.

"Edward, are you listening?"

"What?"

"Get out of your head. Stop obsessing over being here and seeing Bella. Everything will be fine. You, will be fine. Now go help jasper get the rest of the food from the car. She is going to be here any minute and I am can't move as fast as I used to. MOVE IT!" Alice yelled as she waddled off to make sure the streamers that Emmett and Rose where putting up.

As Jaz and I were setting up the last of the food, the guest started to arrive. Charlie Bella's dad was here with his girlfriend Sue but Bella didn't come with them. Huh, I would have thought she would.

"It's not like Bella to be late." Rose said as we all, minus Alice, took the shot that Riley just poured us.

"Charlie said she was running behind. He mumbled something about Italians and taking their sweet damn time." Alice chimed in before she let out a high pitch squeal. Everyone at the bar turned towards the door as Alice flung her little pregnant body into Bella's arms.

"I've missed you so much!" Alice yelled. Dammit Alice move. All I could see was the top of Bella's head.

"Oh Alice I've missed you too. So much! Oh my god look at you!" I took in a quick breath and I think me heart skipped a beat when I heard her voice for the first time in a year. God, I missed that voice.

"You're HUGE!" She laughed.

I miss that laugh too.

"I know right! I can't even see my own stylish Louie Vuitton feet anymore." Alice said laughing.

"Same old Alice. It's nice to see that hasn't changed. In fact not a lot has changed." I heard her say. Damn Alice I really wish you would move over just a bit.

"You would be surprised my dear, you would be surprised." I knew she was talking about me.

"Speaking of changed. Look at you! You look amazing and in heels! How long have I been trying to get you in heels beside doing those crazy exercises? You had to move across the world to make it happen."

"Wait, you don't wear heels all the time?" said a male's voice with a slight Italian accent, from the door. I think everyone's head snapped towards the door. He was tall, about my height, with dark blonde hair and blue eyes. He walked right up to Bella and put one arm around her waist. In that moment me stomached dropped.

I could see Alice's shoulder sag a bit before she recovered. "And who is the handsome fellow? You've been holding out on me. Alice Whitlock, Bella's amazingly talented and loyal best friend, and you are?" Alice said holding out her hand.

The man laughed, Demitri Voultori, Isabella's dashingly handsome and loyal boyfriend. It's a pleasure." He grabbed my sisters hand it kissed it quickly. Boyfriend. My heart sank along with my stomach. Of course she has a boyfriend, it's Bella. I guess one small part of me just hoped I would have a chance.

"Alice, quite hogging Bella and her hunky Italian man meat, there are other people besides you who want to see her." Rose yelled walking over. Between Alice moving and right before Rose grabbed her for a hug I got a glimpse of her face. She looked radiant and happy. So beautiful.

"I missed ya Lil Bitch." Rose said giving her a hug.

Bella laughed, "Miss you to Big Bitch."

"Belly Boo!" Emmett bellowed.

"Emmy Bear!" Bella yelled as she jumped into my brother's arms. He gave her a big bear hug and swung her around.

"Jesus Christ Emmett, put the girl down before you hurt her." I heard my mother say.

"Mom, I would never! Bella can hurt herself all on her own." That got everyone, including Bella laughing. She wasn't known for her gracefulness.

My parents came up and gave her a big hug. Before she pulled away, Bella had whispered something in Bella's ear. Her head snapped up and she scanned the room quickly. Even though I was trying to blend in and hide, she found me almost instantly. Our eyes locked for a brief moment. I wanted to look away for the soulful brown eyes had me trapped. It felt like an eternity standing there staring at each other. Finally I gave her a brief smile and nodded. She smiled back and looked like she was about to say something but I turned away before she could. I wasn't ready to talk to her yet.

Jasper, who had been by me side the entire time put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a knowing look before walking over to greet her. I move quickly to the table in the back and sat with Leah and Seth.

"Not that I really give a shit, but you alright Cullen?" Leah asked.

"Yeah, good. " I said quietly looking down at the drink in my hand. I'm gonna need a couple more of these to make it.

She started to say something else but Seth hit her in the arm and gave her a look that says, not now Leah. I gave him a small smile.

"Ok, no that the guest of honor has finally arrived we can eat! Everyone load up there plates, there is plenty of food for everyone and after everyone has finished we will move on to the entertainment!" Alice said clapping her hands and bouncing a bit.

"Entertainment?" I heard Bella question.

"Yes, entertainment. It wouldn't be a party without it. Before you ask, no I'm not telling you. It's a surprise." Alice said loading her plate up with food.

I opted to skip the food. Mt stomach is in knots and food sounds less and less appealing. Plus I didn't want to run into Bella or her new boyfriend.

"Here, I figured you could use this." Emmett said as he sat down another drink in front of me.

"And this, you shouldn't drink on an empty stomach Doc." He said sliding a plate with a half a sandwich in front of me.

"Thanks." I grumbled downing the drink and taking a small bite of the sandwich.

"She asked about you."

"And?"

"And I told her to talk to you herself."

"Gee thanks. I don't think I'm ready to talk to her Em, especially with her boyfriend here." I mumbled.

"So are you not gonna go through with it then?"

"Of course he is." Alice chimed in from behind me.

"Alice."

"Edward, you wrote a beautiful song. She needs to hear it. Hell everyone needs to hear it. Even if it doesn't end up the way I know it will, everything will be ok. She will at least know how you truly feel." Alice said, giving me shoulders a squeeze.

She bent down and whispered in my ear, "You have changed so much and you have become this amazing man. I am sooo proud of you. If she can't see that and choses the Italian tool over you, then that is her loss." She kissed me on the cheek before waddling away. I smiled, I love my sister. She always knows what to say.

Bella ate quickly then her and the Italian tool made their way from table to table catching up. Before she made her way to mine, I quickly and quietly made me way to the back so I could get ready. I started to pace back and forth and my hands started to shake. Ok, Cullen, deep breath you can do this. The worse that could happen is, she gets mad and either yells or leaves. Both scenarios you've dealt with before. You've lived without her for the past year, what's the rest of your life?

"Ok, now that everyone has eaten, it's time for the ENTERTAINMENT!" I could hear my sister yell. "So, tonight we are going to have everyone's favorite KARAOKE!" A mixture of cheers and groans floated to the back. "There are rules this time, You have to pick a song that reminds you of Bella. Doesn't that sound like fun?" I could just picture Bella's face turning red. She hated being the center of attention and a big deal being made about her. I however, loved her blush.

"But before we get to hear all your beautiful voices, we have a special performance from another beautiful and talented voice. Please give some love to me AMAZING big brother Edward." I could hear everyone clapping and hollering. I took one last deep breath before walking up to the stage. Here goes nothing.

"Hello everyone. Bella welcome back." I said as I smiled at her. "As most of you know, I have tried my hand at singing and song writing. Thank you to everyone who has come out and supported me these last couple months; it's means more than you know. This is actually the first song I wrote so yeah…enjoy." I closed my eyes and took one last deep breath and locked eyes with Bella as I started to sing.

"_Now that she's back in the atmosphere  
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey  
She acts like summer and walks like rain  
Reminds me that there's time a to change, hey, hey  
Since the return from her stay on the moon  
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey_

_Tell me did you sail across the sun  
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded  
And that heaven is overrated_

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star  
One without a permanent scar  
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation  
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey  
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo  
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere  
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol Jane  
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet  
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day  
And head back to the milky way  
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind  
Was it everything you wanted to find  
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken  
Your best friend always sticking up for you... even when I know you're wrong  
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation  
The best soy latte that you ever had... And me

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?

_Did you finally get the chance _

_To dance along the light of day._

_And head back toward the Milky Way? But tell me, did you sail across the sun?_

_Did you make it to the Milky Way_

_To see the lights all faded_

_And that heaven is overrated?  
_

_And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?_

_One without a permanent scar_

_And then you missed me_

_While you were looking for yourself?_

_Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah_

_And did you finally get the chance_

_To dance along the light of day?_

_Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah_

_And did you fall for a shooting star?_

_Fall for a shooting star?_

_Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah_

_And now you're lonely looking for yourself out there…"_

When I stopped singing, the room erupted into cheers and whistles. It felt good to know that people enjoyed what I wrote. Bella however was still staring at me, mouth open slightly and I could see a few tears sliding down her cheek. I gave her a small smile before turning away, taking my bow and walking off stage to the back. I put my guitar in its case and headed out the back entrance. I never planned on sticking around after I sang. Especially now. I drove home at spent the rest of the evening drowning my sorrows in some scotch and watching mindless television. I don't have to be back to the hospital until Sunday night, so I didn't have to worry about work whilst hung over.

* * *

The next morning I was woken up by the smell of coffee wafting through the air. I groaned and looked at the clock. 8:45 a.m. I should have known my sister would be her bright and early to discuss last night. She can never just let things be. I through on pajama pants and made my way, sluggishly into the kitchen. With my eyes only half open I poured myself a cup of coffee and made my way into the living room where I knew she would be waiting.

"Alice, what did I tell you about waiting till 10 to…" I stopped in my tracks and almost dropped my cup. Standing in my living room with her back to me, staring at all the pictures of had put up over the last year of all the things I've done and the map of the world with pins of the places I've gone and flags for the place I want to see, was Bella.

She turned around quickly and we again stared at each other. As the other times before, I was the one who broke the connection.

"I thought you were Alice." I said quietly walking towards her a bit. It was like I was being pulled towards her. It was like that last night but I managed to resist.

"Alice slipped me your key last night before she left."

I chuckled, shaking my head. Of course she did. I walked over the wall and pointed at a picture.

"This was my first time eating Indian food. I'm still on the fence about this. You have to eat with your hands. It's very messy and a tad unsanitary." She came and stood next to me and I pointed out other things.

"This was my first subtitled foreign film. The Housemaid. It was quiet good. I enjoyed it."

"This was at the airport as Alice and I waited to board our flight to California. I was scared shitless." I laughed.

"This is my first time singing on stage. I think Emmett instituted Karaoke and open mic night just for me, although he would never admit it. He said he wanted to tap into the undiscovered talent of Forks."

"You sing?" She said quietly. I nodded.

"And play the guitar?" I nodded again.

"You got on an airplane?"

"Yes, four times to be exact." We stood the in silence for a while, that electric current that has always been there, running between us.

"You left."

"Yeah." Is all I said. Although, just like before, she understood everything behind that one word.

She walked over to the map and started running her fingers over the flags.

"Even with the changes, this place still feels like home to me." Hearing her say that made my heart swell.

"It can be home to you as long as you need it to be."

"When you sang last night… You've changed." She said turning around to face me.

"I have. I realized after you left that you were right. I needed to change, so I did."

"I.." Before she could say anymore I needed to know what she wanted. As much as my body and heart have craved to be near her, I got the hint when she showed up with her IT and I wanted to get the inevitable pain and rejection over with as quickly as possible.

"Why are you here Bella? I got the hint yesterday when you arrived with your boyfriend. You've moved on just like you should have, I get it."

"He's gone." She said sadly.

"Gone? Did he have to go back to Italy?" She looked at me and I knew without her saying a word that he didn't go home for business.

"Looks, Bella. I never meant to cause you any problems by singing that song. I only wanted you to know how I felt and it was my way of apologizing. It wasn't my intention to come between you two."

"That's not why he left, well not really. I guess maybe kinda." She started to blush and bite her lower lip. I looked at her questioningly, not wanting to say anything out loud so I wouldn't jinx what I was hoping and praying might be the reason.

"He left because I did miss you. Every day." With that she grabbed my face and gave me a kiss I've waited a year for.

**A/N**

**Soooo, whatcha think? Day_Zeee did you at least think it was ok?**

**Clearly Edward did not write Drops of Jupiter. I told you I took a few liberties. Also, did anyone catch the HIMYM nod?**

**Thank you for reading! oh, and for my TDHIRL readers, chapters 18 & 19 should be up by next week.**

**XOZO**

**HB**


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